Dun call me a kid or say that I am still young when u dun reali know about me.

Juz becoz I am single doesn't give u the liberty to start gossips based on ur own feelins.

If u are a man, u will know how to respect a gal n not making use of her n say things to boost ur own ego.

Listen carefully to why pple give u things n not selective hearing n form your own conclusions.

A person who once felt smth for u doesn't mean that he/she will feel the same way forever.

Alwiz remember tat how fast n how pple can put things down is thru time n experiences.

Stop believing that pple are good by nature.

As a woman, let go n leave for awhile if u need to coz they are too emo.

As a woman, we are entitled to be 'lost' n need not answer pple but do exercise responsibility where u need to inform the "Necessaries".

Do accept the fact that there is such a thing called platonic relationship.

Do not put words into people's mouth n pass judgement so quickly.

Remember that there are alwiz 2 sides to a story, u fool! So dun be too quick to speak.

Not stepping on pple's tail do not mean that the opposite party will not.

If you are not smart, dun even start playing the game.

Juz becoz u are not urself, it doesn't give u the liberty to start tinking tat u are a burden n have negative thots.

You muz know how to put on mask even if you detest it.

The world does not revolve around u.

Learn, know and exercise the word "Empathy".

Don't tink u are the best coz u duno how big the world is.

The world dun owe u anthing, so reflect on urself b4 "fucking" pple.

p/s: how many pple do u think are involved here?

my insomnia problem is getting worser lately... the frequency of askin my mum to just knock me out with a bamboo pole is increasing and i desperately wans to sleep. But i can't... despite taking offs from work n stuffs. I feel n look so energetic yet my eyes hurt like mad n i still can't bring myself to sleep. Damn... I happened to spend a night @ a friend's place somewhere this week. Thou the sleep was "broken" here n there but each time when i fell aslp, i felt it was a time where i reali could say i slept!!! And the conclusion is... for me to know.

13 of my relatives came over for the weekends last week n thou it was reali tiring but i had a great time w them gg on the hippo bus touring ard s'pore. Had a great time spending it w Mandy(cousin) and Rox(sis) esp coz we wen drinking. Accompanied us was Rox's 2 friends who joined us soon after we settled @ Chambers 21, Circular Road. Since the last time @ Lan Kwai Fong (HK'05), last week was the 2nd time my sis n i wen drinkin together. Sounds pathetic but i know we are lookin forward to more sessions :p S'pore nightlife ranked 2nd in the world <if m not wrong> rite? Yet, the pubs close so early like ard 2-3am? Gosh, Mandy was so awake and I had to find another place that could let us continue w our drinks n games. Bein the "suaku turtle", the onli place i knew was Babyface @ One Fullerton. To my "kangtang" friends out there and even for Yung n ZY who were w us tat night, it was a culture shock or could be a "turn-off" to some but well, there's alwiz a 1st time... hee.

She is still unwell since her relapse 3 weeks ago? And lately, i have so many similar cases even @ work. Previous experience helped me in dealing w these pple but i also realised tat i can't reali seem to handle my own emotions after helpin them. I snapped. I believe that one can walk out of their illness where it concerns the mind n the heart if they are willin to take the 1st step but if u do not even try, dun keep comin back w the same stories. I know i should be patient but i think it was too much for me to take while jugglin w other stuffs. not sure how to continue to express it out in words n m juz overwhelmed but i know i will have to press on.

Dec was a breakthru for many of us @ work as we carried out an ops which was the 1st time for many. It was indeed an eye-opener. Somehow, an unexpecting email was received and w the various incidents tat accompanied it along the week, i was hit. Nevertheless, i decided to clear my offs so for now till the end of yr 2006, i will be only working 3 days a week excluding public holdiays. But of coz i will still help out if manpower is needed. On top of that, ofc is reali quiet nowadays n i miz my TL. haha... it doesn't mean anything in particular but his absence sure made a difference... prob m too spoilt by him :)

Sometimes, i think i have become a workaholic without knowing it but i think its good for me in a way.

Thou i dun wana become a taufu but somehow i have become 1 n i enjoy it thou there is a feeling of emptiness in me. Is there actuali motivation in my life now? Or m i waiting to be hit reali hard n be condemned thou m rather "unproductive" all these years...

Stayin home all day long when there is a list of things i need to do n pple to meet yet m not doing anything. M like a vampire who onli comes out @ night n even so, reali selective pple who prob duno me for long or well.

Attended a mortuary course n i wana declare that if possible, i dun wana go thru an autopsy after i die. Please!!!

gotten news that WJ wen thru his customory last weekend. Wishing him happiness everafter and zao3 shen1 gui4 zi3!

Lastly, w reference to an earlier post... i did it again. Somehow, it is different this time n i duno how to put it across. I wana share but if onli there's some life shown. For now, i think i juz gota wait for Ben to come back... my "rubbish" confidante...

I alwiz call @ the wrong time... the last time i called, he was taking his wedding photos and when i called today, he was in the midst of moving house...

Aniwaez, it was coincident that my little sweetie pie finished work @ the same time as me. Was supposed to go home since i was offered a lift but ended up walkin at TM for a present. And i took advantage of him by askin him to drive me to collect CM @ cookie monster. =P Of coz he got irritated by me and probably regretted it coz i was tokin non-stop tat he wanted to just KO me. Well, i admit i do tok alot but given tat situation, its a confirmed thing tat i will not stop tokin. I mean, there will be an awkward moment of silence and its so paiseh....to me la. Nevertheless, m sure that @ least he was entertained by me!!! haha. Still, you definitely deserve smth... dun ask those impossible ones but a BIG thank you to u can also rite? heee *pinch-pinch*

I think this wierd feelin came because this was the first time we were out together alone? or maybe he is not used to gg out alone w a "chor lo n talkative n a black" gal like me? + we are like so close yet not close...haha. He is tough, smart n has his mood swings but when he is feelin gd, he's reali fun and cute. His care may not come in a direct way but u knoe its there. When u see him, u will be tempted *slurp* ... coz he looks soooo hugable. wa ha ha. Any takers? =)

***

Its been a tough time when everything is running low as i m losing them or gona lose them fast. They are time, $$$ and friends. Weekdays are definitely diff to meet thou i may end work earlier. N endin work earli meant that smth big is on the next few days. Weekends are mainly spent @ home w my mum and resting. I can go out but the thot of the crowd puts me off esp when m not in tip-top condition... It sounds lame but i appreciate the few good friends who empathised w me, reali understood me n not those that call n "suan" me, yeah? I think i still prefer coffee sessions past midnite when all are hm n my mum is in bed. Out for a few hours to exhaust some energy b4 i head hm for a good slp if i can.

This week will prob end w a bigger bang after the last one yesterday.. will i get to cme back within 24hrs?

oinkZZZZZZ

Sometimes i dun understand y happiness can't remain as it is but take for a turn... @ least it doesn't last long in my life... @ this point in time, i can't help but to feel useless...a total cannot make it... nothing good but a good for nothin....

how m i or who m i to pick myself up again... trapped in many things now... needa way out... how sianz can i be to expc this over n over again... even if u dun get bored i get bored... its me me n me... its prob me who's the problem... makin a mess out of everything m in... damn!

Finally, i have completed another H.K. drama serials titled, C.I.B. Files :) Watching drama serials have alwayz been my favourite past time and there's much life lessons to learn from it. The ending was typical, whereby the couples got together and lived happily ever after but i still like to watch it. Somehow, was so overwhelmed by it that i felt like falling in love again and finding a partner. But of coz, it's alwiz not easy to find someone whom u like and will reciprocate the feelins. I guess fate is really a farnee thing. It is not just about liking the person but the timings are important as well. Wrong timing even by just a second, you will not get it... just like me :) Hmm...nevertheless, am glad that he is happie with his life now. Time reali can wash everything away though there will be a scar but it wouldn't hurt as much as compared to fresh wounds.

I m not the typical gal where moz guyz would go after or stuffs n becoz its like that, m phobic when it comes to outings with just a guy alone. Its the inferiority complex that i have to live with n that probably explains y i have a certain reaction towards men. I have just received an invitation to a movie next month but m rather hesitant about it. Not that m being arrogant that wooo..someone is askin me out but rather, is he mad or somethin of having to ask this kind of gal out.... and mind you, it may mean nothing but jsut a catching up session and that i m thinkin too much. haiz. Yet, when i have a certain feelin for a guy, telling him is definitely not a move that i will take due to various reasons. I guess, its just small little gestures that I can do that m contented with upon seein him happie. Moz imptly is to control your feelings and not allow urself fallin too deep into it becoz @ the end of the day, if it doesn't work out, u will not b so dissappointed. As my philosophy goes, if it comes it'll come. If it goes, it'll go.

Ever heard of the saying, "Never eat and shit in your own backyard"? This was a topic which we toked about previously with the APDians... and today, this sentence appeared again when the Baby-Gs were tokin about it. My boss mentioned that it is rather dangerous to have your spouse or partner working with you because you can never lie about your working hours and etc as his/her antenna will be super high. On the contrary, it can be really sweet havin to work together in a similar environment <mind u, not same dpt or smth> especially if your job is of irregular hours and etc because the common understanding will be there. Of coz, many other factors such as trust, communication and etc comes in. But if you reali feel something for this someone, will you reali stop urself from developing the relationship due to previous experience of having to eat n shit in ur own backyard?

Was wondering when u feel somethin for someone, will u start dreamin of ur future when nothing is developed as yet? For eg, seein him as a life partner and being able to do many things together... or is this too far-fetched to be seen? Hmm...

Toking about love n happiness, would like to extend my most heartfelt congragulations to my cousin and his wife <from HK> on their ROM yesterday. The Legends was sure a beautiful place for a small group of pple. Nice time catching up w relatives n nice food, especially The Bread n Butter Pudding!!! And of coz, it was sweet of B.S. and Spidy to come and pick me up the hill...@ Fort Canning Hill. Wuz alittle surprise to get a lift from there though i duno who remembered and arranged it :p  

Someone whom i look up to is finally tying the knot this Saturday!!! Am lookin forward to it as i will get to meet up with many old-time friends too...can't wait. And yes, another red bomb dropped from SN too!!! M surprised that i m not forgotten... will definitely make it there. 2 red bombs before the next pay day but it is worth it coz juz imagine who n wat u gona do =P

That's all for lovey dovey things for now... will continue later in the day where i will prob tok about children? Prob not a happie story but m overwhelmed by it too. Am glad that i m off.... m just so worn out.... I wana be a TOFU today!!!

BOYFRIEND: HAPPIE BURTHDAE!!!

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2 years ago, i was dead drunk, totali knocked out at one of the pubs @ Duxton. I felt super terrible the following day n it was such an ugly sight. I told myself that that incident will never happen again becoz i feel that it is totali ugly for a gal to drink till like that. But FUCK!!! History repeated itself for the 2nd time again last night. Damn me. It wasn't even meant to be a drinking session but a ktv session. I m juz so embarrassed and guilty for the mess i've created... kopi sessions like an old auntie still my cup of tea i suppose...I duno wat has gotten into me... not the usual form n it was much lesser than the usual i drank... crap... thinkin of the vodka now makes me nausea coz it tasted like nail polish remover!!! i m reali anti-vodka.. Nevertheless, a thankz to u know who u are...

i feel farnee... i may be over thinking but i m tryin to recall if i had taken "water" from... when i headed to the toilet....

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i duno how to put it.... haiz... there is a saying that honesty pays but i learnt to accept it thru the hard way n now, i believe that honesty doesn't pay. Friends and even acquaintances alwiz tell me not to trust pple easily coz i'll be @ the losing end @ the end of the day. It is true but i still can't convince myself totali as i believe that pple are good by nature n no matter how bad they are, there will be a good side of them which do not make them a bad person at the end of the day.

lies are not bad but yet white lies meant well...but still its a lie. You see, some things in life is not onli black n white but there are grey areas too. its the same logic applied to it..

i usually have no qualms abt having to strike a conversation with a person or something. My ability to speak is not only a pro but a con too. I made someone trust me but i turned it against him. I noe this is something that i have to do but @ that mmt, i just feel it. After one "slashin" last nite, gona face another one tml. I know they meant well but...

Molly was advising me last nite that sometimes i shouldn't say some things to a certain person or group becoz of many reasons like status, ranks n etc. This is something m aware of coz i learnt it the hard way again but... i might have to realise that not all pple will agree that the things one person say can be of no intent thou the purpose was simply for building a closer relationship.

hmm... i know that things are kinda one-sided all along n when i found out the truth, it was alittle sad but was ok overall. I mean, wat am i... just a gal who cannot make it... it sounds crap n silly but havin to go thru so much stuffs... i guess i still need the time...

Wat is life? Wat is love? They are just ridiculous ...you and ur other half may start off being happie together n etc... both of u start off with the same pace but you must also realise that along the way, one will be lagging behind... it is definitely not easy to maintain the same pace... n as time passes, these two pple might find their own ways too...

So much thots for today... but i think i can't continue typing already...m juz overwhelmed... i think i m screwed up again...