BOYFRIEND: HAPPIE BURTHDAE!!!

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2 years ago, i was dead drunk, totali knocked out at one of the pubs @ Duxton. I felt super terrible the following day n it was such an ugly sight. I told myself that that incident will never happen again becoz i feel that it is totali ugly for a gal to drink till like that. But FUCK!!! History repeated itself for the 2nd time again last night. Damn me. It wasn't even meant to be a drinking session but a ktv session. I m juz so embarrassed and guilty for the mess i've created... kopi sessions like an old auntie still my cup of tea i suppose...I duno wat has gotten into me... not the usual form n it was much lesser than the usual i drank... crap... thinkin of the vodka now makes me nausea coz it tasted like nail polish remover!!! i m reali anti-vodka.. Nevertheless, a thankz to u know who u are...

i feel farnee... i may be over thinking but i m tryin to recall if i had taken "water" from... when i headed to the toilet....

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i duno how to put it.... haiz... there is a saying that honesty pays but i learnt to accept it thru the hard way n now, i believe that honesty doesn't pay. Friends and even acquaintances alwiz tell me not to trust pple easily coz i'll be @ the losing end @ the end of the day. It is true but i still can't convince myself totali as i believe that pple are good by nature n no matter how bad they are, there will be a good side of them which do not make them a bad person at the end of the day.

lies are not bad but yet white lies meant well...but still its a lie. You see, some things in life is not onli black n white but there are grey areas too. its the same logic applied to it..

i usually have no qualms abt having to strike a conversation with a person or something. My ability to speak is not only a pro but a con too. I made someone trust me but i turned it against him. I noe this is something that i have to do but @ that mmt, i just feel it. After one "slashin" last nite, gona face another one tml. I know they meant well but...

Molly was advising me last nite that sometimes i shouldn't say some things to a certain person or group becoz of many reasons like status, ranks n etc. This is something m aware of coz i learnt it the hard way again but... i might have to realise that not all pple will agree that the things one person say can be of no intent thou the purpose was simply for building a closer relationship.

hmm... i know that things are kinda one-sided all along n when i found out the truth, it was alittle sad but was ok overall. I mean, wat am i... just a gal who cannot make it... it sounds crap n silly but havin to go thru so much stuffs... i guess i still need the time...

Wat is life? Wat is love? They are just ridiculous ...you and ur other half may start off being happie together n etc... both of u start off with the same pace but you must also realise that along the way, one will be lagging behind... it is definitely not easy to maintain the same pace... n as time passes, these two pple might find their own ways too...

So much thots for today... but i think i can't continue typing already...m juz overwhelmed... i think i m screwed up again...